Career Break, life, Minimalism, Rants, travel, Uncategorized, wanderlust

Chasing dreams

No dreams are ever too silly to chase.

Alas, I have decided to give in yet again, to this deep yearning smouldering inside my soul.

I know I need to resist the desire, the strange magnetic pull. I have responsibilities in this world and I know i need to fulfil my duties.  But no matter how hard I try to resist that magnetic pull, it’ll ignite even more. I find my mind constantly wandering off the horizon and feel the magnetic pull to leave the realms of my comfort zone. To pack my bag and explore, uncover what lies out there.

The beauty, the ugly and the truth of life.

Since my last career break, I have tried so hard to resist this magnetic desire; to assimilate into society. To be a good employee, daughter and whatever duties I should fulfil. I know I should be like peers my age, chasing and climbing the corporate ladder. To earn good money, to get that long awaited promotion, get married to the person they have dated for too long and then, to retire comfortably in later years.

But I just can’t.

I don’t care about material possessions. I know life has so much more to offer than just being compelled to conform to the wants of society. Long term travel is something that is constantly on my mind, multiple times a day.

That yearning, the hope there is more to life than just the 9 to 5. Doesn’t make us ungrateful for the life we have. Doesn’t mean we love anyone any less. It means we want off the couch. It just means we want more. It makes us dreamers, adventurers and it makes us ones who refuse to settle. We need experiences, we need more unprecedented moments in our lives. To fuel us. To make us dig into parts of ourselves we never knew existed until the restlessness in our souls could be denied no longer.

I have decided to tender my resignation next week. An adventure awaits but I am trembling inside with so much uncertainty.

But if this dream is silly, I would still want to go for it.

Love

Joy

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Career Break, life, travel, Uncategorized, wanderlust

Restless soul syndrome

 

I’m amazed

I’ve always thought there’s something wrong with me.

The thirst and deep desire to explore and uncover the truth of life. All the endless questioning and refusal to conform. Constant boredom and restlessness. My mind is constantly on the clouds; faraway from where I am and probably sipping margaritas on a beach.

These days, the restlessness is overwhelming. To the point that I thought I was sick. Is there something wrong with my mind? Or am I just another ingrate, unsatisfied and not contented with my blessings.

I know I am incredibly blessed. I am born in a country that is safe and clean, and grow up in a loving but strict and conservative family. I could be happy if only I knew how to stop the endless questionings and desire to explore. My overwhelming desire makes me feel incredibly suffocated in this concrete jungle i am staying in right now. The bureaucracy and rigid management in my organisation are draining my soul.

Whenever I share this with someone, I’ll always get the same flabbergasted reaction. They will always have similar thoughts that I am just constantly trying to find means to escape from reality. But is that really?

Today, I discovered an amazing term that defines myself perfectly. I have diagnosed myself with the restless soul syndrome.

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Uncategorized

Nation of robots

I want to be out of this system.

Society.

Conforming to what everybody else is doing just because it’s the norm. We are the ones who created all these societal norms – roles and responsibilities.

Chasing all the wants but feeling empty after.

I don’t believe this is what all life is about. J

I’m feeling so withdrawn these days. Observing the people of my country. Everybody looks so emotionally dead on the train. Have we created a nation of robots?

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Career Break, Minimalism, Rants, Solo trip, travel, Uncategorized, wanderlust

Idealistic much?

file3I love writing.

As much as I would like to avoid the truth, I am rather socially awkward and verbal communication that involves awkward small talks mostly wouldn’t work out well for me.

Currently, I am writing articles,newsletters and designing marketing collaterals at a non-profit for children. After my last career break, I have narrowed down what I want as my career – something meaningful and worthwhile working hard for. So i chose a cause that is close to my heart – to reach out to the abused and neglected children. Because I truly believe that children are innocent and they deserve a second chance in life. Their future should not be determined by the doings of their parents. I want to play a part to be their voice because I know how it is like to be helpless and vulnerable.

I love the cause of my work. But I have soon realised how idealistic I was. Turns out that majority of my job scope involves fundraising and analysing numbers (Have I mentioned how much I hate dealing with numbers?). I have minimal interaction with the children (I felt cheated because during the interview I was assured that I will have frequent interaction with the children as well as frequent centre attachments). The management is conventional, bureaucratic, and very very resistant to change. There’s a lot of wastage of resources and inefficiency. Furthermore, my application for scholarship to further my studies in masters of counselling (which btw will incur zero cost to the organisation, but fully reimbursed by the government) was rejected because the management think it is highly irrelevant to my current job scope. That is the last straw for me because I really wanted to pursue my career as a child counsellor.

It is time to have my next back-up plan to resurface. I want to explore the world. Life isn’t just all about paying bills, fitting in, settling down, mindlessly working to climb the corporate ladder, numbing yourself every weekend with alcohol and partying, and then the cycle starts all over again.

Life has so much more to offer and I am going to slowly unveil and discover its beauty.

And of course, this involves travelling….long term.

Stay tuned!

Love,

Joy

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Pantai Klebang, Hidden gem in Melaka 29 April 2018

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Career Break, Minimalism, Rants, Solo trip, travel, Uncategorized

Endless search

Ah, life.

Few years ago, I was confused.

I started observing the society i live in  with a conscious mind. The people, living environment, social culture. Living in a cosmopolitan city, it comes with no surprise that most around me has a common goal in mind – money.

Everyone seems trapped in the endless rat race, most aren’t even aware that they are in one. But the worst part is, they seem pretty alright about it. They are numbed and shaped by society with endless material wants and desires. They slog hard and risk betraying their souls to buy another chanel handbag or Rolex.

What happens after satisfying their material wants? Are they truly happy? Will it ever be enough to relinquish their numbed soul?

My goal in life is happiness. But I have since realised that finding happiness is very much like a fish looking for water in a sea. But s this really what life is all about? We have become the robots of society; Climbing the corporate ladder, earning big bucks, settling down, be a parent before turning 30.

Being stubborn, I refused to believe that’s all life has to offer. In 2014, I decided to take action and set out to search for the meaning of life. I borrowed self-help spiritual books, meditate ( mindfulness and benevolence), and even stayed in a temple for a few days.

I was still very much confused.

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Then, I had enough of the mundanity of life and quit my job to volunteer at Maldives for 7 weeks. There, I learnt how simple it is to achieve happiness. The importance of self-care and being authentic and genuine to others. It was a life transforming experience which taught me independence and to step out of my usually socially awkward self. (Not to mention a near death experience during my first snorkelling trip in the beautiful crystal clear deep open sea) Although I had to shorten my trip, the experience taught me a great deal about myself and what I should improve on.

So then, I continued my search when I got back. Being someone unmotivated by dollar signs and numbers, I decided to join a kindergarten as a teacher. In 5 years of my working life, it was the only time at work I truly enjoyed myself. The innocence of the children brought so much joy. I especially enjoyed the art and craft lessons, the time when the children can freely express themselves. I teared when my contract ended and I knew it’s time to leave.

Last November, while travelling to London, an extremely kind and generous family friend introduced me to the term – existentialism. A philosophical term by Jean -Paul Sartre. I was mind-blown and appalled. Finally, I have found a term that aptly describes how I feel about life and how it truly should be.

So, what does existentialism mean? According to this philosophy, life is inherently meaningless and it is entirely up to us to add meaning to our lives. If you dwell on this negatively, you may very well be really depressed and grumpy, or in extreme cases, suicidal. But to me, the freedom to choose what we become and how our lives should be instead of defining ourselves through societal roles and responsibilities (e.g. gender – women should get married and be mothers before the age of 30) gives us limitless opportunities.

We are conscious beings freed of societal rules, roles and responsibilities. I can especially relate to this, being someone who enjoys my freedom very much and dislikes bureaucracy, mundanity and rules.

Let us all put an end to our search for the meaning of life. Let us take action to add our own unique ingredients of life. We have the power to create meaning in our lives and that, gives us limitless opportunities.

Let us all be free and happy.

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travel, Uncategorized

Dreamy Ipoh : Short Escapade

I love writing.

I’ve kept a journal since I was 9 and never stopped writing since. I write more when I’m feeling upset or down.

Can’t believe my last travel post was so long ago. To revive this blog, I shall write about my travel adventures over this span of time.

In September, I booked a last minute getaway to Ipoh, malaysia. It was decided just a day before the trip and I’m so glad I went ahead with it. Impromptu trips are the best.

Ipoh is my mother’s hometown and I’ve never explored the pretty town on my own before. Even though I’ve always had pleasant memories of the place, i never knew I could do so many awesome water activities there.

It was a 12 hours overnight bus journey.

First day: water rafting, tubing and caving

Second day: Explored ipoh town and Kelly castle

It was a short escape but I enjoyed every single moment during that short trip. The only downside was the massive traffic jam on the way back and I reached home at around 3am and had to wake at 7am the next day for work.

Needless to day, I couldn’t function the entire day and was only physically at work that day.

 

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Minimalism, Rants, Uncategorized

Inked

Finally mustered enough courage to do my first tattoo in Nov.

Inked my favourite word and flower – Existentialism and lotus. Always wanted a tattoo because i want to feel in control of my body. A weird reason I know.

After 8 months of trying to blend into society, the feelings are too strong to ignore. It’s back with vengeance. The urge to explore the beauty of life, to not just travel as a tourist; but as an explorer.

I have a stable job now with decent income. Initially, I thought this career was everything I ever wanted. To bring hope to children in need by giving them a voice,  and a future to look forward to. I know how it feels like to be abused, helpless, with nobody to turn to. And no child deserves to feel this way. But few months into the job, it seems the cause of work may not be what it seems. There’s too much emphasis on fundraising and I am not a numbers driven person. The recent trigger was when the management rejected my application for scholarship to further my education – masters in counselling.

I’m a dreamer. Sometimes a little too much.

I don’t wish to join the rat race. Majority would view me a failure in life – incorrigible job hopper, killing my career pathway by joining the non-profit when i have a business degree, quitting my job to travel (previous 2 times and its addictive).

But it really depends on your outlook and goal in life. I am not attracted by luxurious lifestyle and earning big bucks (to much disappointment of my family). I just want to explore the beauty of life and to live deeper.

The urge to leave is growing each day. Not just this organisation, but to explore the world

I’m hoping to turn my dream into reality – to go vagabonding and make the world my home.

But first, I need to carve out a plan. Where should I go? How can I make this dream sustainable?

 

 

 

 

 

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